Naaa... Not much!

A few weeks ago, I had started following this (firhangi) girl’s blog whom I had conjured up to be quite interesting (both the girl and the blog). I don’t think my action should be considered predisposed if I try to elucidate the reason as to why I took the decision to stop following it. I stopped following it simply because it became a religious ‘thing’ for me and I felt a sudden pang of hatred for her. 
Now I have no concern with any or anyone’s (maybe made-up) religion. My concern lies only in what I believe is my faith; and if my faith tends to inspire someone, then Bingo. 
I saw the parallel aspects that I shared with that girl: 22-years old, freshly graduating scientist, a will to write and a will to learn more. She had interesting scientific theories that called for debate against the laws of nature and I confess that I found them intriguing, somehow. On religious grounds, she was an Atheist (an agnostic… hmm!). Therefore, I understood that that spoke pretty much about the basis of her theories and reasoning. Anyway, one good old day, I sat to read an updated post of her blog that was related to ‘Draw Mohammad Day’. She asked herself that why she would not take part in this ‘mega event’. And the answer she gave was: ‘Because I don’t want to die’. A short video was uploaded there which (I’m sorry) I couldn’t quite get right but it was something like this that there were a bunch of people from an institution watching the caricatures of Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) on PowerPoint. Then they were suddenly attacked by a bunch of angry Muslims of that institution while shouting slogans of ‘Allah-o-Akbar’. And then the security had to jump in to control the chaos. 
So, she wrote that she would have definitely taken part in this event and ‘draw Mohammad’ as much as she wants to but she is not doing so because she is afraid the Muslim (terrorists) would attack her and she is too young to die and that she looks forward to so much in her life. ‘Freedom of speech and expression’ was what she was ranting about! 
Well, I knew her being an Atheist was dissimilarity between us but here was officially the strike: I am not afraid to die at the age of 22 years or whatever years IF it’s about my ‘rights’. Addressing her I should say: ‘Miss Bitch, Hello. Obviously you are afraid to die because you would do a thing that is most certainly and absolutely NOT your right! You have no right to disrespect anyone else’s religion just because you don’t have one of your own!’
I leave this poor girl alone now in her world of ‘No God’. 
Now, I actually have no opinions about the Pakistan’s court’s order of banning Facebook or doing whatever because I am not sure if it would actually prove to be the correct action taken. I think that whatever is happening, we ourselves have a lot to blame on us. We always almost never know how to ‘take action’. Banned Facebook. Banned Youtube. Seriously? Whatever! 
However, all this keeps reminding me of a Great Personality of our Islamic History: Hazrat Imam Ali ibne Abu Talib (AS). I plan to invade my Nana Jaan’s (Grand-Dad's) library some time or probably steal a few books out of the many volumes that are present there written on Hazrat Imam Ali (AS). As of this disgusting event and the Muslim protests, I am reminded of one of Imam Ali’s sayings: ‘Zulm kerne wale se zyada barra gunah-gaar zulm sehnay wala hota hai’. [That person is a greater wrong-doer who ‘lets’ Cruelty to be inflicted upon him.] (That was the best translation I could come up with :-/ ) 
I am not going to explain how this particular saying is related to what is happening today. 
I used to guess that it’s a big bad world. Now I am sure that it’s a big bad world. 


p.s. I have this creepy feeling that blogger.com will be banned too in another couple of minutes! So… Watch out!! Yikes! :s   

So.. I'm Perfect?

So this morning, when Dad and I were getting into the car to drop me off to work, we heard a sound from behind us that went 'Chich Chich'. Yeah, the same sound the Road-Romeos make when they see dupatta-clad embarrassing girls walking past them. We looked around to see where it came from and it was none other than my one and only Super-Mom who was standing on the terrace and hitting on my Dad. The weather was a little awesome and she was apparently in a playful mood. (not to mention struck with mid-life crisis) And so she took the opportunity to 'harass' my innocent Dad whose face most certainly lighted up and he smiled embarrassingly at her. As they both stood smiling at each other, reminiscing their younger days for a few moments (I guess), I was shit worried about the neighbors catching them and I had to say: 'Dad! Please move! and Mom! Go inside!!'. What love-birds of parents I got!

Taking the subject of harassment forward, I would first like to mention here that I have heard and read about a gazillion stories on the subject of women being harassed at offices and whatever workplace they go to. Although I am not a 'Women Rights Activist', it always does make me angry and sad. If it was a topic under discussion in a drawing-room, I would mostly stay quiet and only question: 'But why do women let it happen to themselves?' Apparently, they are under pressure, they have a family to look after and provide for, they are black-mailed, blah blah. The topic was later of no concern to me.

I have been to a few workplaces and as little time I got to spend there (as they were internships and short-term employments), I only found a bunch of confident and classy women working around me. I never heard about any such incident then. Currently employed at an NGO, I have made a friend out of my colleague. Not until a few days back, she told me what she had gone through and was going through. One of her direct colleagues, married with two kids, had been coaxing her into a relationship. I was only shocked. I thought of him as a respectable man and had never in my wildest of thoughts imagined he would do such a thing. He has left work due to personal reasons related to family and what-not. I asked my friend: 'Why were you quiet? Why didn't you take any action?' And she had not very good reasons to give me in return. So be it. If you women are weak, then you deserve to suffer. I am sorry if I am being mean.

Since I entered my mid-teens till today, I have faced criticism about my (inborn) 'Attitude'. 'Hey that little girl with an attitude? I swear she is so stuck-up!' And then my younger sister who studied with me in school and college always had such kinds of comments about me collected from her friends (from both school and college): 'Your sister has an attitude problem.' 'Your sister looks strict'. Only later, when they used to come over at our place and I served them with Lasagnias and Cold Coffees, their opinions would change: 'Your sister is such a sweetie pie!'

I never had any cat-fights though! LOL! Infact, I am grateful to God upon finding some of the most amazing people as my friends (forever). A time came when I actually got conscious about my social behavior and decided I would smile more. But I was the same. (I couldn't care less! hehehe)

After my friend/colleague's story, I am so glad I possess this attitude. It makes me unapproachable. It actually gives me the sole authority to allow people to come close to me. Makes me Perfect? :-D

The man she told me about always spoke to me consciously and in the most gentleman-like way. I never suspected any kind of informal or frank behavior from his side. (Maybe, he thought me ugly and unattractive!). I certainly did not expect him to act the way he did as reported to me by my friend. Again: Makes me Perfect? :P

                  

Nostalgia

A farewell to Class 11's on Prize Distribution Day. I collect my certificate and walk down the stairs from the stage. I am wearing my school uniform and I go where my class-mates are standing in a neat group on wooden steps. Our Music Teacher begins to play the piano as we clear our throats to sing for the leaving batch:


As you go through life you'll see
There is so much that we
Don't understand


And the only thing we know
Is things don't always go
The way we planned


But you'll see everyday
That we'll never turn away
When it seems all your dreams come undone


We will stand by your side
Filled with hope and filled with pride
We are more than we are
We are One


If there's so much I must be
Can I still just be me
The way I am?


Can I trust in my own heart
Or am I just one part
Of some big plan?


Even those who are gone
Are with us as we go on
Your journey has only begun


Tears of pain, Tears of joy
One thing nothing can destroy
Is our Pride, deep inside
We are One


We are One, You and I
We are like the Earth and Sky
One family under the Sun


All the wisdom to Lead
All the Courage that you need
You will find when you see
We are One


You will find when you see... We... Are... One!


Piano stops. Huge round of applause. I built memories.

.Bonkers.still.Green.

In one of my early semesters, I took a course for Creative Writing and thought I'd become cool. But it was pretty much a useless course. I'm still cool though. Just one interesting thing that I learnt was writing random words and things that came to your mind. It was actually an activity and as much as I don't appreciate randomness, I enjoyed it. Today, I feel very random because my brain is absolutely not working and I don't feel my green spirit at all. This is because I am sick for the past two days and have been forcing myself to work, not because I want to but I have to. Anyway, this condition has reminded me of that certain activity which is actually my very true condition at the moment. Here goes:

Farewell.script auto-saved.blogger.document1.mail.sent.notification.AJM.virtual.facebook.g-mail.indoor plants.emotional boss.miss long hair.blocked.revision.nursery rhymes.lunch-box.bundu khan.mom.coffee.red belt and red sash.bridge.trees.swings.hall.principal.curly hair.parties.friends.glasses.sports day.sweat shirts.idiots.new dude at work.very dumb.sorry.hormones.headache.nausea.workload.brownies.summer clothes.little sister.american idol.do more research or go to hell.give more references or seriously go to hell.ambassadors.campaigns.do it live.more fun.yuck.snob big time.don't come any close for your own good.repeat.snob.big time.fellowship or scholarship.both.want more.big bad world and can't take any chances.hate feeling weak.must.shower.superman.loubly.will you stay?tomorrow will come.green future.malaysia is nice.maldives is love.ice-cream.rain.wind.sleep.pillow.terrace.music player.creepy world.e-mail not going.link in saved items.brother pick up.home.mean friend.new bag.sardar sahab.ahahahahah!

Green Irony

There is this news I heard recently and it’s actually in the air these days that the United Nations is seeking a new climate chief to head the secretariat of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCC). The amazingly ironic part about this news bulletin is that Pakistan has a nomination! Yes! We, the nation who is least, I repeat: LEAST concerned about the climate and its malfunctioning and with whatever crappy forecasted disasters the insane and damned environmental scientists keep babbling about and whatever shit it’s going to bring for us in the fucking future, actually have a nomination to put forth for such an immaterial thing as that! Seriously, I mean we are such cool punks!

Anyway, I am glad as well about it, but what the hell!

I remember talking to my ex-boss about climate change and its hazards; I remember speaking in a passionate manner (It was a new job and I was hyper). He looked at me with a smile and said: ‘Hehehe… Aww... You’re so cute!’ I wanted to puke on his face! ‘Amna, take a deep look around you and observe for a while the facial expressions of these people sitting around us. Do you think they will listen or be fretful about what you’re saying?’ asked Ex-Boss. After his remark, I was already looking forward to take my eyes off his corporate-shit face; hence I took the opportunity and looked around. I saw even more corporate-shit faces. ‘No, they won’t be,’ I replied. ‘Great! Let’s get back to work then,’ answered corporate shit face of an ex-boss.

Ex-boss belonged to the elite class of our society, well-bred, well-educated, well-informed, etc. I expected a little more positive feedback. Anyway, my point is, this is a man who represents an aware and educated class of our country, let’s not even think about above or below this class. So, the thing is, even if we have a nomination and say he does get elected as the Climate chief, where exactly is he going to take us? Pakistan will start taking part in more treaties, conventions, conferences, protocols, delegations, etc, but will never try to implement the roles and responsibilities of the pacts that will be made. Hey man! We have better things to look after, like Shoaib and Sania’s honeymoon suite and regular condom supply.

Listen, I don’t mean to sound negative-minded here at all. What I wish to make a point here is that climate change issues, energy crisis, water scarcity issues, global warming, etc, these things do not have a solution without the support of the people themselves. Action from each individual is required and utterly required. With a mind-set like the one expressed above, no matter how many climate chiefs get appointed from Pakistan, we will hardly land anywhere or near a solution. Our way of thinking needs to be changed; the whole system shouts for a change!     

It could be a Green Life!

I came across a good friend’s blog recently and didn’t tell her that I discovered it and how remarkable I found it. I mean I will tell her later; I think she meant to keep it secret and I would follow it secretly perhaps. So I was reading through her posts and I found this one about ‘golden tips for would-be brides’ as her friend had gotten married and her intention was to give her a few pointers for her married life.

Gems of wisdom they are for sure and I appreciate, definitely, as I always appreciated her intelligence and humor. I have written a ‘comment’ and a ‘jokes apart’ (serious) view on each of them as I found them quite intriguing. I miss her. So, here goes:

1. Never beat your husband, no matter how tempted you are because: 

a. He is your husband

b. He is most probably your only husband

c. Log kya kahein gey?

d. It’s against the Human Rights Charter (Yes, the ambiguous document discovered in '47)

e. Since you will be in USA, he can get you jailed for this. Indeed US jails are not as bad as Pakistan's but what if they send you to Guantanamo Bay? Phir maza ayega?

Comment: True, she is advised not to beat her husband. But, there are situations when you cannot help it. Let’s consider the sexual aspect. He could be demanding it himself in bed. He asks for a whipping that apparently drives him crazy. I say ‘Go for it Girl!’ This way, she will not only fulfill his sexual desire but quench her own thirst to beat him up when he had made a face after taking a bite from her freshly baked Apple pie. 

He cannot get you jailed! Just rip off your shirt, give yourself a few scratches and the next thing you know is that he’ll be on a flight to Guantanamo Bay himself! Bohut maza aye ga!

Jokes apart: A woman’s job is to give love in order to gain love. You are lucky if your guy loves and cares for you himself because of you, in that case, treat him well. Remember love comes with time.

2. Watch Desperate Housewives. They apparently have very crunchy lifestyles despite being home-makers.

Comment: Although, I am never interested in watching such shows and don’t even get time to watch them at all, but someone told me that the name of the show and the hype about it is over-rated. In any case, let’s make the husband watch Desperate Housewives. If you want a crunchy lifestyle, get it out of hubby darling. You can watch it with him in case he switches the channel or dozes off. Give him black coffee and whisper in his ear a special thing you will do that night in bed.

Jokes apart: A woman does not need a stupid show on the idiot box to make a crunchy lifestyle happen for her. Just go with the flow and develop a bond of friendship with your husband and you will be the best home-maker ever.

3. If you live with your in-laws, watch star plus soaps. They teach one how to steal, pretend to be the heroine yet back-stab, tackle infertility accusations, insults on God Barahi, infidel husbands, how to crush your bitch of a saas or saukan. Above all, how to pretend doing the household chores in one ton of make-up and designer Saree. 

Comment: If you are living with your in-laws, you need to come up with ways and devise plots on how to get them kicked out of the house. Make sure the children do not get attached to dadi maa’s or phuppo’s. The writers, directors, producers, etc of these shows are basically social workers and running undercover Non-Profit Organizations that are heavily funded by secret US agencies. Their concern lies in the pressures that women have to face with their in-laws. Thus, they produce these shows to show them ‘light!’ How thoughtful of them!

Jokes apart: Do not waste time on these shows and work on your relationship with your in-laws. They are your husband’s family and now your own family. This is where your upbringing is displayed, seriously. Respect your parents-in-law as one day you will want your son’s wife to respect you too. Be friends with your sisters and brothers in law as they will be the ones to shower their love and affection upon your children. When you go back to your house, you would want the same respect and love from your own brother’s wife. This is the social circle of life. Give love and respect, and somehow or the other it will always come back to you. And remember, a healthy family is one’s greatest and most treasured possessions.

4. If your husband is over-sexed, show him a live performance by Rakhi Sawant. Precaution: Either he will become sexless or gay. So do it at your own risk!

Comment: This should be a piece of cake for a woman. Be Rakhi Sawant yourself!! Do not take the risk of making him watch that live performance.

Jokes apart: If he is over-sexed, enjoy it till you can and if he won’t cool down, make him go to a therapist or a counselor. And make sure the therapist/counselor is male!

5. Think you will have to serve him for eternity? Well I had an aunty who slept while her husband made the breakfast, prepared fresh orange juice. In fact he made an extra cup for her and placed it in the fridge. Now this is what you call a set-up!

Comment: Wow to her aunt! You might need a whip/rod if he does not serve you; or what you can do is that you pamper yourself all day, go to the top salon, get yourself facials, manicures, pedicures, body massages, full polishing, etc, buy yourself sexy lingerie, don’t attend to his calls/messages, come back home to find him waiting for you in a rough mood, give him a peck on the cheek and go for a long shower. Don’t cook dinner that night and tell him you are very tired after a long day and you ate something on the way (which you did), tell him he can order something to eat. Get into the sexy lingerie you bought and do not give him the slightest invitation, make him crave for you and go to sleep with your sexy ass turned towards him. Next morning, you’ll wake up to find ‘breakfast in bed!’

Jokes apart: Marriage means a division of responsibilities between husband and wife. He is serving the family by working and earning. A woman, although, has been working all day herself and been busy with the household chores and children’s homework and their moral upbringing, nevertheless knows she has certain responsibilities towards her husband too. It’s not about serving him; it’s about sharing and caring. Tell him you need occasional looking-after as well. Keep weekends or Sundays when he could make a glass of orange juice for you or maybe a quick 2-minute Maggie noodles, create a communicative environment at home so you know your husband is playing his part in the children’s upbringing as well and talk to him how there should be an equal distribution in everything they do in their lives. Care in order to be cared for. 

Disclaimer: These tips have been improvised after observing other people (stuck in crappy marriages); implement them at your own risk!

Jokes Apart Disclaimer: Even after all this, your husband is not being or acting the way he should, then he is just a plain ass-hole and you need to get rid of him!

A Green Thought

My colleague and I were sitting together one day, obviously working, and the topic under discussion was my ‘so-called’ and ‘irrelevant’ passion for achieving ‘Environmental Sustainability’, not just in my own country, but around the globe i.e. a World of Intelligent Fools. It is sad when people like me, who are definitely few in number, come to terms with the fact that not many people possess the competence to envision our vision. They seem staggered and actually horrified at it. And what exactly is our vision? A Greener and Resourceful Planet! Ah, Thank-you, but No Thank-you!

Heading back to what this colleague was trying to say, in his highly ill-informed and juvenile manner, was that why the ignorant and unenlightened individuals of Pakistan (including himself) would not comprehend how important it was to cut off those trees situated at the Lahore Canal Road so that it could be widened for traffic control. For a minute I thought I could just punch him in his face, not because I was sensitive about this Road Widening Project, but because of the supremely ‘casual’ manner he employed in saying ‘Cut off those trees’. I did not visibly do it, so I stopped clicking my computer mouse, and thought of how to go about this important dialogue.

Only recently, I had got myself in a not-so-very hot debate on Face-book with an acquaintance about an article that I had posted on my profile relating to the notorious ‘Lahore Canal Road Widening Project’. Although, the man had solid points to put forth, I have to say how also extraneous they were.

So I got back to my colleague and asked him whether he knew what trees did for us and the Earth. He said: ‘Duh! They provide Oxygen!’ I had to come back with: ‘Oh! And do you breathe in Helium?’ He looked offended but managed a crooked smile. All I could say to him was that it is humbly requested to him to look for the importance of trees on the internet.

This man and many others like him need to be informed that by chopping off those trees along the canal, they will only rob the city of its lungs! This project is worth Rs. 3.5 billion. Please think twice about Pakistan’s current situation. An amount as huge as this, without a second thought, is allocated to be spent on a mere 8 percent population of Lahore that owns vehicles, is certainly ‘not’ something that we can afford. What about the rest of the 92 percent? Should they move to Planet Mars?

A recent course lecture reminds me of a factual account that we, the intelligent fools of the world, are facing the situation of ‘Environment’ against ‘Development’. Sure, go ahead with Development. Just be a little concerned with its definition and proper implementation. It is amazing to know that the government has a good budget to spend on this Road Widening Project. Will it be a crime to think about the 92 percent I mentioned above and develop an efficient Public Transport System for them? I mean, we are a poor nation for sure and we need to do something about it. (Right?)

Those trees are Lahore’s cultural possessions. We have not got much left in our pockets that we start stripping our country with its little left beauty. Grave environmental dangers are already forecasted including rise in temperatures and loss of biodiversity. There is utterly no water resource management and we are very close to wars on the issue.

We have to be blind to overlook such a situation.